Family Matters

At the end of June, I got the chance to participate in a meeting of the national board of Casey Family Programs. The meeting was focused on the effect of the pandemic on children, families, and the field of child welfare. We heard from a diversity of professionals, including a pediatrician, a sheriff, a school administrator, and a researcher.

I left that meeting brimming with hope.

The pandemic has had many terrible, tragic consequences, most notably the enormous loss of life. But alongside the magnitude of the losses, the presenters shared the positive transformations the experience of the pandemic had catalyzed.

The sheriff shared that in his field, law enforcement officers were realizing that in order to best protect children and communities, it wasn’t just about responding to violence, it was about connecting families to what they needed.

For more than 50 years, Yavapai Big Brothers Big Sisters (YBBBS) has made meaningful supported matches between adult volunteers (Bigs) and youth (Littles) ages six through 24. YBBBS develops positive relationships that have a direct and lasting effect on the lives of local young people.

A few days ago, my two-year-old Kira was playing with a little shark squirt toy. Try as she might, she couldn’t get the hang of filling it up underwater. She began to whine. “Do you need help?” I asked. “You can say, ‘Mama, I need help.’”

We’re trying to teach her to ask for help before she breaks down. It’s a work in progress.

I’ve noticed lately that it’s not just my two-year-old who needs to work on this. Asking for help is a struggle for most adults, too. Myself included.

Why is that?

Prevent Child Abuse Arizona Executive Director Claire Louge recently celebrated ten years with the organization and reflected on what she’s learned during her tenure. We’re sharing her reflections here to help spread awareness of child abuse prevention, including how it’s changed, what’s working, and what the future holds.

Human beings make assumptions. That’s just how our brains work.

We take stock of what we’ve experienced and use that to make predictions about what will happen.

Assumptions are useful tools. If we have a gap in information, we’ll fill it with an assumption. We can even make up whole stories with one small piece of information, like a comment or a facial expression. Assumptions help us make quick choices in our fast-paced world.

The problem with assumptions, of course, is that they can be wrong, or partially wrong. And whether they’re wrong or right, assumptions shape how we choose to act towards others.

Choices based on false assumptions can be destructive.

It’s spring, which means the Prescott area is once again painted with all the rainbow colors, thanks to the blooming of so many wildflowers. Part of what makes this season unique is that the flowers have spent the winter dormant. They’ve been resting.

What if we could take a note from nature and permit ourselves to rest, too? We need to free ourselves from the tyranny of productivity, especially as the weather warms up and many activities resume.

My dear friend Emma, who works as an elementary school teacher in Detroit and lives her life with exemplary reflectiveness, shared a quote with me years ago that continues to resonate with me:

“Be patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year.”

A few months ago, I had a checkup with my new primary care provider, who asked me a series of routine questions about my health habits. When she asked about exercise, I told her I ran about four miles, two or three times a week.

“How long does that take you?” she asked.

“About 30 minutes,” I replied.

“Well,” she said, “for heart health, you should be exercising at least 45 minutes.”

I raised my eyebrows. She went on to her next question. I chuckled to myself.

My father, who is French, had an expression he used in my childhood moments of impatience: “Forcer, c’est casser.” It translates to “To force is to break.”

At the beginning of the pandemic, when everyone was trying to get their bearings with lockdowns, work and life disruptions, and constantly changing information, a post circulated around social media that went something like this:

A choir is able to sustain a very long note not because everyone holds the note at the same time, but because singers take breaths when they need to, and then join back in.

Our work as parents (and as employees!) is like that too. In the effort not just to keep your family unit running, but also to strengthen it, you may feel like things will fall apart if you take a break or time away. It may even feel irresponsible to take a break when there’s so much at stake.